National Spoonerism Day

To celebrate National Spoonerism Day, switch your sounds around as much as possible.

July is jammed with holidays. We started the month with World UFO Day. Then we raced into Independence Day, National Kissing Day, National Nude Day, and Yellow Pig Day. (The presidential candidate who will declare a three-day holiday weekend for all of these great celebrations has my vote) Today is National Spoonerism Day, a favorite of my logophile friends and me. Continue reading “National Spoonerism Day”

Stay-cation results in journey of no return

As I sat thinking of the glory days ahead, my almost liberated brain alit upon an interesting idea…a stay-cation in which I would do only what I really wanted to do for seven consecutive days and nights.

(This bit of family humor by Patra Taylor appeared in the June 2010 issue of The Charleston Mercury.

Three months of freedom begins

The morning of the last day of the school year found me counting the minutes until the final bell rang in anticipation of that glorious moment when I…ah, I mean, Benn could finally herald in the long-awaited Season of Freedom, more commonly referred in to in these parts as summer. Arriving at Benn’s school an hour early (he asked me not to be late), I sat in my vehicle along the carpool route enjoying the light breeze flowing through my open windows with delicious thoughts of nearly three whole months of not being jarred out of bed by that annoying beeping of my alarm clock dancing through my head. I knew I won’t be able to de-program myself from waking up at the same early hour as I always do, but allowing my eyes to flutter open of their own accord is a whole lot easier on certain of my vital organs. Continue reading “Stay-cation results in journey of no return”

Coots, codgers and a kick in the shin

While I still appreciate the simplicity of the “sticks and stones” problem-solving paradigm, I prefer to think I’ve evolved with the times. Today, bullies are dealt with through zero tolerance policies, the arduous criminal justice system and lengthy civil lawsuits.

At the risk of sounding antediluvian, the playground protocol from the era I grew up in seemed a whole lot simpler than it is today. When confronted with taunting and name-calling, a girl like me would first initiate the “sticks and stones” defense.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Continue reading “Coots, codgers and a kick in the shin”

Howling dogs make for sweet summer dreams

All these years later, I’m still a dreamer. I believe our dreams are who we really are. Every one of us is a little bit rock star, a little bit astronaut, and a little bit Stanley Cup winner.

[This appeared in the July 8, 2004 edition of the Charleston Mercury.]

These boots were made for walking

I was almost a ‘60s sensation.

In the summer of ’66, I decided to form an all-girl rock band, a cutting edge idea at the time, especially for a girl of 10.  I figured a generation that welcomed the Beatles, the Animals and the Rolling Stones would also be receptive to a group of pre-pubescent, relatively talent-less rockers of another sort. I was clearly ahead of my time. Continue reading “Howling dogs make for sweet summer dreams”

Sasquatch, Ceaușescu and summer

I knew only because I live with a know-it-all brainbox who believes it’s his solemn responsibility to educate those of us who are “less fortunate” in the IQ department.

Here’s more senior humor from one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.

Let Sleeping Bigfoot Lovers (and dogs) Lie

“…eep already?”

“Huh?” I opened one eye just enough to see my husband’s silhouette in the doorway, the harsh light from the hallway making that eye hurt.

“Are you asleep already?”

“What was your first clue, genius?” I didn’t actually say that out loud because I was incapable of speech at the moment. But the fact is, my husband is one of those genius types…a real egghead leaning hard into eccentricity. Like most geniuses, my beloved husband is just one silk-lined smoking jacket away from full-blown weirdness. Continue reading “Sasquatch, Ceaușescu and summer”

A game of Beat the Clock and a kiss goodnight

I wondered silently if I’d remembered to take my Metamucil that morning, and if McDonald’s would do for our graduation dinner.

[As our son, Benn, was graduating kindergarten, my husband and I had no idea that one day he would be an enthusiastic agricultural student at Clemson University, racking up 4.0 averages during his first four semesters. And where did he get his love of farming? (Don’t look at me.) From Arnold Ziffel, of course.]

Green Acres is the Place to Be

As the dog days of summer overtake me, I like to reflect on the pleasant, yet unusual way my summer began – at a kindergarten graduation. Participating in the pomp and circumstance of five- and six-year-olds engaged in their last hurray of innocence is an activity enjoyed mainly by young, enthusiastic parents, and wise, seasoned grandparents. Continue reading “A game of Beat the Clock and a kiss goodnight”

The wolf, the chocolates and the curse jar, Part 2

After watching “Southern Charm,” I realized that those of us born in the land of Sherman are not alone when it comes to our foul mouths.

[Here’s a bit of senior humor by one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.]

Forget the chocolates…

After two months of soulful introspection, I have determined that there are two kinds of cursing: environmental and situational. Figuring this out is a result of resolving to purge myself of the curse of cursing after learning that my fellow-Ohioans are the foulest mouthed folks in the nation. Continue reading “The wolf, the chocolates and the curse jar, Part 2”