Coots, codgers and a kick in the shin

While I still appreciate the simplicity of the “sticks and stones” problem-solving paradigm, I prefer to think I’ve evolved with the times. Today, bullies are dealt with through zero tolerance policies, the arduous criminal justice system and lengthy civil lawsuits.

At the risk of sounding antediluvian, the playground protocol from the era I grew up in seemed a whole lot simpler than it is today. When confronted with taunting and name-calling, a girl like me would first initiate the “sticks and stones” defense.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Continue reading “Coots, codgers and a kick in the shin”

Sasquatch, Ceaușescu and summer

I knew only because I live with a know-it-all brainbox who believes it’s his solemn responsibility to educate those of us who are “less fortunate” in the IQ department.

Here’s more senior humor from one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.

Let Sleeping Bigfoot Lovers (and dogs) Lie

“…eep already?”

“Huh?” I opened one eye just enough to see my husband’s silhouette in the doorway, the harsh light from the hallway making that eye hurt.

“Are you asleep already?”

“What was your first clue, genius?” I didn’t actually say that out loud because I was incapable of speech at the moment. But the fact is, my husband is one of those genius types…a real egghead leaning hard into eccentricity. Like most geniuses, my beloved husband is just one silk-lined smoking jacket away from full-blown weirdness. Continue reading “Sasquatch, Ceaușescu and summer”

The wolf, the chocolates and the curse jar, Part 2

After watching “Southern Charm,” I realized that those of us born in the land of Sherman are not alone when it comes to our foul mouths.

[Here’s a bit of senior humor by one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.]

Forget the chocolates…

After two months of soulful introspection, I have determined that there are two kinds of cursing: environmental and situational. Figuring this out is a result of resolving to purge myself of the curse of cursing after learning that my fellow-Ohioans are the foulest mouthed folks in the nation. Continue reading “The wolf, the chocolates and the curse jar, Part 2”

Death and taxes

Living forever sounds like a full-time job to me, and doesn’t seem to include the orange juice and a half a bag of Ruffles® I had for breakfast.

Here’s some senior humor by Charleston Mercury columnist, Patra Taylor.

You grew older today (no kidding)

Benjamin Franklin said, “The only things certain in life are death and taxes.” If you believe Ray Kurzweil, the modern-day Thomas Edison, by the end of the 21st century Franklin’s adage may have to be altered to read, “The only thing certain in life is taxes.” Continue reading “Death and taxes”

Consents, concerns and failure to fit

Hey, pharmaceutical companies! We aging Baby Boomers are neither deaf nor stupid!

Here’s some senior humor by Charleston Mercury columnist, Patra Taylor.

Meet the Intergalactic Interloper

“Have you heard this news story about how some universities are requiring students to have a written agreement before they have…well, you know?” I asked my husband as I pointed to the television.

Stephen smirked. “Nothing says amour quite like a signed affidavit.”

My husband. Always the grammarian…and smart aleck. Continue reading “Consents, concerns and failure to fit”

The wolf, the chocolates and the curse jar – Part 1

My decision to give up this skill that I had cultivated for the better part of half a century was prompted by a recent study that found that residents of Ohio, my birthplace, curse more than anyone else in the country.

Here’s a bit of senior humor by one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.

I learned to curse from an expert

It’s hard to believe that one twelfth of the New Year is already behind us. To keep my mind off just how fast my life is slipping through my fingers, I decided to take a moment to evaluate how I’m doing on this year’s resolutions. Losing weight and exercising remain the top picks for Americans looking to begin improving their lives with the flip of a calendar. Sadly, aging found me facing the next 365 days embracing a new pragmatism. Continue reading “The wolf, the chocolates and the curse jar – Part 1”