Howling dogs make for sweet summer dreams

All these years later, I’m still a dreamer. I believe our dreams are who we really are. Every one of us is a little bit rock star, a little bit astronaut, and a little bit Stanley Cup winner.

[This appeared in the July 8, 2004 edition of the Charleston Mercury.]

These boots were made for walking

I was almost a ‘60s sensation.

In the summer of ’66, I decided to form an all-girl rock band, a cutting edge idea at the time, especially for a girl of 10.  I figured a generation that welcomed the Beatles, the Animals and the Rolling Stones would also be receptive to a group of pre-pubescent, relatively talent-less rockers of another sort. I was clearly ahead of my time. Continue reading “Howling dogs make for sweet summer dreams”

Sasquatch, Ceaușescu and summer

I knew only because I live with a know-it-all brainbox who believes it’s his solemn responsibility to educate those of us who are “less fortunate” in the IQ department.

Here’s more senior humor from one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.

Let Sleeping Bigfoot Lovers (and dogs) Lie

“…eep already?”

“Huh?” I opened one eye just enough to see my husband’s silhouette in the doorway, the harsh light from the hallway making that eye hurt.

“Are you asleep already?”

“What was your first clue, genius?” I didn’t actually say that out loud because I was incapable of speech at the moment. But the fact is, my husband is one of those genius types…a real egghead leaning hard into eccentricity. Like most geniuses, my beloved husband is just one silk-lined smoking jacket away from full-blown weirdness. Continue reading “Sasquatch, Ceaușescu and summer”

A game of Beat the Clock and a kiss goodnight

I wondered silently if I’d remembered to take my Metamucil that morning, and if McDonald’s would do for our graduation dinner.

[As our son, Benn, was graduating kindergarten, my husband and I had no idea that one day he would be an enthusiastic agricultural student at Clemson University, racking up 4.0 averages during his first four semesters. And where did he get his love of farming? (Don’t look at me.) From Arnold Ziffel, of course.]

Green Acres is the Place to Be

As the dog days of summer overtake me, I like to reflect on the pleasant, yet unusual way my summer began – at a kindergarten graduation. Participating in the pomp and circumstance of five- and six-year-olds engaged in their last hurray of innocence is an activity enjoyed mainly by young, enthusiastic parents, and wise, seasoned grandparents. Continue reading “A game of Beat the Clock and a kiss goodnight”

Doing the funky chicken comes of age

More recently I realized that I had, in fact, constructed an enormous Rube Goldberg of self delusion regarding the exact number of years that have passed since my birth.

Here’s more family humor from one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.

Me! One of the beautiful people

I spent spring break in South Florida with the beautiful people.

At this point, the accomplished storyteller should be waxing poetic about the exploits of her college break (sadly, only one) spent in sunny Florida in order to move the storyline forward. While I would love to re-live those few short days on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, and embellish my memories enough to make them worth reading about, I fear pushing the rewind button on that coming-of-age period in my life would trigger enough specifics to flash the approximate date of that trip across my conscious mind causing me to be just one spontaneous subtraction problem away from inadvertently recalling my current age, rounded to the nearest year. I’m pretty good at math, so I’ve decided not to go there. Continue reading “Doing the funky chicken comes of age”

Death and taxes

Living forever sounds like a full-time job to me, and doesn’t seem to include the orange juice and a half a bag of Ruffles® I had for breakfast.

Here’s some senior humor by Charleston Mercury columnist, Patra Taylor.

You grew older today (no kidding)

Benjamin Franklin said, “The only things certain in life are death and taxes.” If you believe Ray Kurzweil, the modern-day Thomas Edison, by the end of the 21st century Franklin’s adage may have to be altered to read, “The only thing certain in life is taxes.” Continue reading “Death and taxes”

Medieval “Typo” Results in International Day of Foolery

Modern scholars believe Chaucer’s passage meant 32 days after March, or May 2.

April Fools!

Can you believe it? The worldwide custom of playing pranks on your friends and family on April 1 actually has its roots in Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, which dates back to the early 1390s. As the tale goes, the cocky cock, Chauntecleer, dismisses premonitions of his own death only to be tricked by a cagey fox whose main objective was securing another delicious chicken dinner. (He’d already made a couple of satisfying meals of Chauntecleer’s mom and pop.) Physic chickens and Col. Sanders’ original original recipes aside, the adoption of April 1 as the international holiday for ticking off your loved ones with you obnoxious adolescent practical jokes may have resulted from a 14th centuryy typo (a.k.a. copying error.)  Instead of “March 32,” interpreted as April 1, modern scholars believe Chaucer’s passage meant 32 days after March, or May 2. Continue reading “Medieval “Typo” Results in International Day of Foolery”

Science fair draws cynical parents closer to nature

Mandatory science fairs and their evil spawn, science projects, are the scourge of parenthood brought on by the “Sputnik scare.” They should have been banned, like nuclear proliferation, at the end of the Cold War.

Here’s a bit of family humor by one of the Charleston Mercury columnists, Patra Taylor.

How many ant farms does it take?

It’s been weeks since Punxsutawney Phil poked his sleepy little head out of his burrow, spied something dark and ominous, and darted back to his comfy featherbed to wile away another six weeks of winter. Most people believe Phil was frightened by his own shadow. I have a different theory. Continue reading “Science fair draws cynical parents closer to nature”